Impact

2008 April 17

by Tyler

I often wonder what kind of impact I have on people. I don’t mean the initial impact I make. Most people think I’m stuck up before they really know me…the real answer is that I’m just introverted. Rather, I’m talking more along the lines of the impact you can make on someone’s life over a longer period of time.

Rose saw my old sales job boss at the restaurant a few days ago. He almost forgot my name and couldn’t remember hers. I spent endless hours with him for over four months, 5 days of the week. He was the one who was going to “shape” me into a great salesman and we spent a lot of car rides talking about God and the church both of us went to…yet the impact I guess I made on his life was nothing, or so it feels.

In high school I made some great friendships. Some of those friendships still exist today, and a couple of those friends are bloggers and readers of this blog too. I am so encouraged to see the path God has them on. The same would not be said for some of my other friends. I guess they are friends because I make the effort all the time. I’ve often wondered, is it a true friendship if only one person makes the effort all the time, or at least it feels like all the time.

In college I didn’t make as many close friendships, but the ones that were close felt like the same thing. Me always making the effort, little connection after college.

The truest friend I have had through it all, is an email and a country away. He is missed quite often.

I just read everything I wrote, kind of depressing, I know. Sorry.

One question…is it possible to determine the impact you make on someone’s life?

Filed under: the rest...

http://www.LeadingWithALimp.com Matt Singley

I don’t think your post is depressing, I think it’s honest. It’s a terrible feeling to think you are doing so much, making so much impact, and then feeling like you are just spinning your wheels.

The good news though is that you are making an impact on people that you don’t even realize are watching you. I know this because it happens to me often. The people that I would think would remember me and things I do, well, they’re out to lunch. But every once in a while I get an email or a Facebook message from somebody that says, “Maybe you don’t remember me, but x years ago we went to Mexico together and what you said really changed the way I think”.

The way you will have the greatest impact on people is by living an honest, humble and integrity filled life. Other people will watch, will learn and will remember. You may not always know who they are, but they will always remember you.
http://www.sovannsblog.blogspot.com Sovann

Hi Tyler,

One answer isn’t if they remember your name easily; whenever you spend time, that much time, with someone you *will* make an impact. Maybe it doesn’t continue as strongly but for that season, you absolutely make an impact.

It is so hard for people to stay connected.

It’s surprising that you are introverted and at the same time tend to initiate or seems like, most/all the time.

I think you can have true friendship if someone is putting more effort in but it’s not as good as it could be. It’s better when there’s more mutuality.

And the only way to get there is to give feedback and take the risk of asking for what you want or need from the relationship.

Sorry, that deal with your boss bummed you out.

You’re making a positive impact on me dude.
Grace and peace to you.
http://manofdepravity.com Tyler

Matt and Sovann-

Great points. Thanks for sharing and letting me know I’m not depressing
http://manofdepravity.com Tyler

Sovann-

My marriage counselor said I am an introvert with many extrovert qualities because I am used to doing extrovert things.
http://manofdepravity.com Tyler

that was premarriage counseling. don’t worry. rose and i are doing great.
Miranda

You’ve made an impact on me as a leader for sure. And since my son wants to be a worship leader “just like Tyler,” you’re even impacting kids. some of your authenticity must be coming out somewhere. I’m also amazed at some of the extremely thought out things that come out of your head. you’re wise beyond your years.
http://manofdepravity.com Tyler

thanks miranda. i appreciate the kind words.
http://www.sovannsblog.blogspot.com Sovann

Hi Tyler,

I wasn’t worried about you guys; I think good to great marriages can benefit from marriage counseling also (but I’m a little biased that way). It’s like cars, some need a major overhaul, some just need to get their oil checked.

Even though I haven’t done a ton of study on it, personality type and how it applies to ministry is something I am very interested in. For example, you’ve mentioned that you’ve done lots of “up front” type stuff in churches, how does the Introvert side of you handle all that?
How are your current relationships at church and with your team, does it still seem like you do most of the initiating? (You don’t have to answer; I’m just curious)

I usually coach couples on how it affects their relationship.

I am right on the border of Introversion/Extroversion so I think I relate to both types.

Okay, gotta turn of counselor mode! One thing I’d like to mention – sharing our experience, how we feel is being authentic, and it doesn’t have to “make others depressed” or “be depressing”. I encourage you to give yourself and others permission to share that side of yourself and not worry about bringing others down.
Yonas

I like this post. I often wonder the same thing about myself.

btw. don’t worry about people not remembering your name Tyrone, I still remember that awesome burger you bought me at McMinns.
Yonas

Oops I meant Tyler…..
http://manofdepravity.com Tyler

haha, awesome.
http://kassota.wordpress.com tam

yah, Brent thought you were totally stuck up when we met.

wha?!?!

just kidding!!!

Ya know…I always tell my kiddos, when they are faced with someone in their lives that are treating them poorly or they suspect are, that they are only ever responsible for their own actions. We have no idea how people will choose to receive, act or respond to us. But if we know that we have conducted ourselves in a manner worthy of God then we can always walk away with our head held high.

my 2 cents

HI ROSE!!!!!