Superficial, Awkward, or Community?
2008
September
22
Most churches begin a Sunday morning service with some sort of congregational greeting. They tell you to say hi to a few people around you. Sometimes they have you answer a question with your neighbor as well.
Well this weekend I am leading worship music (we’ve talked about this before) at my church (Sunset). So whether this greeting happens or not is sort of up to me. Not that I’m not some power trip or anything.
Some people love this, others think it is superficial and awkward, and others think it does a great job of creating community within a church body.
So I’m looking for your thoughts on this. What I want to know is what you think about a greeting during a service…..love it or hate it and why?
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Tyler Braun.
It’s tough to say. I know my past experience (during Sunset’s old days). One person was talking to another person as she was shaking my hands. Maybe she missed school during Etiquette class or something.
I know that many people know each other or have established ’small groups’ or cliques within the church and are actually happy to see each other during this meet and greet, too excited that they started just chit chatting and block out maybe one or two people standing around them waiting to be greeted. I think we have to be mindful that there maybe one or two people who maybe just sitting by themselves and watching how close other people talk to each other (and often subconsciously ignore these newcomers), it is actually creating more the feeling of exclusion than community.
For me I always bring a friend now (or I know enough people who’d say hi), so things are not as bad. I personally rather not be greeted if I knew the person sitting next to me, would want to not be bothered (or offer greeting either). Based on Pacific Northwest culture, we already say ‘hi’ anyway as we sit next to somebody, that’s more natural than having an actual ‘ok let’s get up and say hi’ time.
Can’t you tell I’m a very social guy!?
Forgot to add my biggest pet peeve is when somebody from the platform say something like
“Tell them you’re having a great day because you see them today” or something equally corny like that…ugh. That’s kinda like asking them to lie on a Sunday!
For me it always feel kind of life “forced friendliness” which really isn’t true friendliness at all. But there are other times that I feel the room (in our student ministries) warrants it. And those times that I feel it’s needed or valuable, I always run into 2 or 3 students later that week who said it was their first time and that made them feel welcome and they met a few new people, one or 2 who even went to their school. So it sometimes has it’s advantages, but it’s a different ballgame I think with adults.
A friend told me once that he was always late on purpose to avoid the meet ‘n’ greet.
I grew up in churches of several hundred, and it really seemed like everybody knew everybody. Which means the greetings weren’t as necessary, but it certainly made them easier. Whereas, at Sunset, I meet somebody new every week, even if I’ve met them before (which means the relationship starts and ends before the next song).
I like greeting folks. I just wish it wasn’t so necessary.
Meet and greets do not rank very highly for me. I vote for a pass on that one. The chance of that brief greeting actually turning into something meaningful is very low, IMO. The point of a forced greeting time escapes me. I tend to think it’s a throwback to a day when churches were smaller and the pastor wanted to give everyone a chance to greet their (real life) neighbors before settling down for a sermon. (I did just make that up.) Yeah, you can mark me down as a real social butterfly!
For me I’m just late just because I’m not a morning person (even at eleven), but yes I see eye to eye with Seth’s friend
I hate the meet and greet, whether I’m in the middle of old friends or the new gal in town. However, I went to one church that didn’t have the artificial meet and greet shoved in to a few minutes between songs. Instead, at the end of the service, they reminded people to greet someone they’d never met on the way out. That was better because there was actually a chance to talk for a few minutes. I felt much more welcomed than just having a bunch of people shake my hand then turn around and sing some more. I’ve noticed that I rarely talk to or exchange smiles with the people I meet in the meet and greet at the end of the service when we are all walking out.
I don’t like it. If you’re saying hi to someone you know, you end up in a conversation which is abruptly cut-off to get back to the service. If you don’t know the people you’re sitting around, it’s awkward and forced. What I DO miss is the Friendship Pad – I liked seeing who was sitting in my row… you might recognize a name and then you’re able to put a face to it.
Being in a big church I feel warrants the meet and greet. I agree with DrLizW above that doing it at the end feels more natural and has a better chance of forming a relationship rather than the mid song squeeze.
I like what Dr Liz said about doing it at the end instead of the beginning. Gives you a chance to connect after everything is done rather than right as things begin. Might be cool to try sometime.
Jos…what is a friendship pad?
At my old church they actually took 7 minutes for the meet and greet. Served coffee. I always felt one of two ways. One “Why does nobody at this church talk to me.” or Two “I should get up and talk to someone….and I don’t really want to.”
In the old old days, if you were a visitor you got a shiny ribbon in the bulletin, had to wear it, and then had to stand up and introduce yourself. At least there was purpose in that, so you knew actually who was new. I tend to ask people…”Oh Hi, are you new to the church.” To which they usually reply, “Yes, I have been here 37 years.”
I agree with Yonas that I hate the forced questions. Unless it’s something like….”Tell someone why you hate meet and greet.” That one would be okay. And isn’t meet and greet like rip and tear. Saying the same thing with a different word???
So I guess the answer to the question is: as long as I am on the platform…. I love meet and greet. (:
YES I forgot to add, meet and greet is fine as long as I’m scheduled to play on that day
if you’re going to do one, b/c frankly i don’t have one opinion or another about it- you have to start w/ an obscure ice breaker…something like: “say hi to your neighbor and ask them…-if you could be a crayola crayon- what would be your color name?” or “what’s the worst name in the crayola crayon box?”- i mean just be creative…gets people to really interact…and talk after the service….shrug
Wow that is the about the most unique idea I’ve heard yet Ash. Nice work!
Yea, I like the random question to ask approach also. The more random the question the better. You can even link it to the message that day?
Like: did you see the movie, “The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe?”
may favorite one was on youth Sunday, when we were to ask “Were you ever a teenager?” Hysterical.
For me worship is about God, not me.
Walking into the Sunday experience is about new people I haven’t met, not my friends. My friends all know, chances are I won’t be talking to you on Sunday morning; since I am looking for someone I haven’t met.
Tip: If you sit in the front (which I do), get out of the row and go find someone in the back. New people tend not to sit up front.
Re: the question “Are you new?”
I say “Hi, I haven’t met you yet, how long have you been coming?”
Also, since I am bad at remembering, I warn them that honestly I probably will asked their name a dozen more times, and they usually laugh and say they will have to ask me again. It not a memory test, it really working at trying to meet someone new.
OK that’s it I’ll bring my headphones and a don’t disturb me sign next time I go.
(unless it’s Tyler, he can say hi anytime).
I found an answer.
Some of the people who’d like to greet, may come from North Dakota
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB122211987961064719.html?mod=yhoofront
I wish someone would say up front, “Turn to your neighbor and ask them if they’ve seen any good movies lately.”
Ps. The Departed and Freedom Writers – great movies. Although might be awkward talking about the over the top violence in the Departed in church…nevermind.
Friendship pad is a book that gets passed on before the service with your info, address and stuff (first time visitor, guest, etc). This was before your time Tyler.
I think maybe the reason why it stopped is because now there’s a rip’ntear where visitors can put their same info there.
Friendship pad was a good touch though. I normally don’t like that kind of stuff, but I actually put my address there a couple times.
By the way I’ve been attending Sunset on/off for 12 years
Oh I got a good one
Just turn to your neighbor and say “FAT PENGUIN”
“Uhmm what??”
“Nothing, just wanted to say something that would break the ice”
and many of you didn’t think I was funny….
hilarious, yonas.
and sovann? you can take any movie you want and make it spiritual…ha ha…hollywood has no idea what they got themselves into by creating movies about good vs evil! muwahahaha
of course i still “magenta” is terrible color name and i would NOT want to be that crayon. but i guess the lesson is that God loves magenta anyway….the color is pretty despite the ugly name that some dude game her….(someone has that job)
wink! nice talkin’ to ya guys! ha ha ha
First of all, I am outgoing but still can feel uncomfortable with this – it just depends on the situation and who I am around. On a philisophical level, it forces us to not just come in, face the front and pass by one another like ships in the night. I don’t do it every week. We do it most weeks but not every week – I like to keep em’ guessing and just start the service differently now and then but mainly do what I think THAT SERVICE calls for. I do hate stupid questions though. I generally just tell people to take a moment to speak to one another and say good morning. I’m not much into hokey (is that just a southern word) questions.
Thanks Ash- Glad you like.
Jan- I’d say rather stick with my original thoughts of “Don’t Ask Don’t Tell”, rather than having silly questions asked during the meet and greet
(besides…assuming the crayola would refer to my skin color..I don’t think Crayola makes Awesome Goldenish Tan)
yonas- they definitely do not, but perhaps you should teach them b/c we all know that there is no better brand of crayon than crayola…it’s just a fact of life! of course, peach for white people always sucked when trying to color in the coloring books….i mean, the only one they get right is black folks…w/ the light brown, brown or tan. i mean really.
wow….wow
LOL…I like your houmor.
I meant humor. Sorry Engrish my second ranguage.
While the meet and greet can often feel like an awkward experience, I think it’s actually a pretty cool thing, and makes a difference if you make a sincere effeort to meet someone you don’t recognize (or aren’t friends with). The times in life when we are asked to reach out to strangers is so rare, and the opportunity it affords to us be just a little braver, and to step out of our comfort zone is reason enough to keep it going. It’s sort of analagous to the signing of the Star Spangled Banner before sporting events.. it too seems awkward and superficial, but I think it goes a long way towards reminding us that more important things arfe never far off. The Meet and Greet reminds us that a sense of community is something worth strengthening, and I’m all for it.