Will Faith Survive? .2

2008 December 12

by Tyler

Check out Part One HERE.

Supporting people who are going through a personal hell is one of the hardest things to do. So much within myself wants to have the perfect thing to say to comfort, or have the perfect piece of advice that can change their life. Sadly this is most likely the wrong mindset. One of my professors gave this advice: “Go with an open ear, not an open mouth.”

When suffering comes to mind, so do the words from Jeremiah in Lamentations 3:19-24.

“I remember my affliction and my wandering,
the bitterness and the gall.

I well remember them,
and my soul is downcast within me.

Yet this I call to mind
and therefore I have hope:

Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.

I say to myself, ‘The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him.’”

I think the real challenge for Christians isn’t providing support for people in their tough times. I do truly believe we are good at that. Where I think we struggle (and I’m talking to myself here)…is that we aren’t invested enough before the struggles to make an impact during them.

Any thoughts on that?

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Amy

Molly Piper’s thoughts on how to help a grieving friend have been so helpful to me when I think about dealing with my own grief and speaking to the grief of others. This is the link: http://thepipers.wordpress.com/2008/03/25/how-to-help-your-grieving-friend/

Molly is Pastor John Piper’s daughter in law. Piper’s older sermons on suffering on the Desiring God website have been very influential in forming my “theology of suffering”.

I had little interest in any of this until last January. Less than 24 hours after finding out my mom had a brain tumor, she had massive bleeding in her brain and died. She was 58. In my head, I knew all the Christian answers about pain and suffering, but it’s not the same as living it.

I think Christians do a pretty good job of initially standing by our brothers and sisters when they are suffering, but I don’t think most people realize how the timeframe of suffering can be long. A person experiencing grief doesn’t always “get over” things as quickly as is comfortable for the people around them. Does that make sense? I have so many thoughts on this! I need to limit myself here.
http://mennonitemonk.wordpress.com Dale

Great Scripture reference. Beautiful, painful, hopeful.
I agree with you and Amy. We as Christians need to do more relationally before and after a crisis. We need to be invested in people’s lives from beginning to end. There should be a love that transcends all desires (for salvation, for healing, for gratitude). We must truly be concerned for people as people. And we must invest for the long run – grief is a long and ugly process. Pain is generally awkward for our culture that esteems health and comfort above love. We don’t spend enough time and thought on suffering, instead we try to eliminate it.
When I think about suffering and how to respond to it, I remember the first response of Job’s friends – silence (as your professor said). There is great power and comfort in presence, not in doing, not in speaking. When my brother passed away (nearly 20 years ago), I heard so many well meaning cliches and offers to help. People felt like they were helping. Some even criticized how I was grieving. I appreciate everyone’s loving intentions but what I needed was an ear to hear my hurt. Very few offered it but it was greatly appreciated when it happened.
Amy Elder

For me, the answer is a little of all of the above. When my mom died, I truly did appreciate the people that attempted to engage with me and encourage me … even if the words they said weren’t particularly helpful. I could see the intent of their heart, and was thankful for the courage it took. However, those that walked beside me … let me talk … let me grieve … were those who had walked through life with me in the good times as well. They are the ones that I can still acknowledge missing my mom to … even if it’s years later.