A while back I wrote a post that I really loved. I mean really loved. I won’t say which one because that isn’t the point.
I bragged to Rose about how good it was. Surely, I thought, this would gets lots of traffic. By the end of the day it hadn’t made much headway. Sure it had a few hits, but nothing substantial, nothing even close to what I had I hopes for.
And then almost the second after having that thought I had another thought.
Where does my satisfaction in life come from? Why am I even disappointed in numbers or hits?
I’ll never get enough followers on Twitter, friends on Facebook, or hits on this blog to ever come close to fulfilling myself day after day, moment by moment. It is simply not possible. The moment I am comfortable with a certain level of achievement then I start to place higher demands on my capability. At the end of this rat race is the empty life of a worn out man seeking to make much of himself for the sake of himself.
None of it will ever be enough to meet the high demands of my low self-esteem.
Maybe the point of it all isn’t about self-esteem, but instead maybe it’s about self-emptying for the sake of Jesus.