Things I've Learned about Church as a PK .1 of 5

2008 February 26

by Tyler

I have been a pastor’s kid (PK) my whole life. My dad was working at a church and finishing seminary when I was born and has been a pastor my entire life. For the part of life I can remember he has worked here, here, and here. Without even working at a church I have been able to experience a lot that comes with being at church all the time. For most of my growing up years (junior high and high school) my dad was the senior pastor at a fairly large church and I am his oldest kid…making me “Mr. Spotlight Child.” This week I’ll cover some of the things I have learned about church in my lifetime as a pastor’s kid.

1. I’ve learned the importance of saying no.

Growing up I was always the go-to for dramas, music, leadership, etc. I simply could not say yes to everything or I would have been too busy. I already played 2 sports and was on a youth worship team in high school, so doing much beyond that was always tough. Whether you are talented with “up front” talents (speaking, music, leadership) or not, people will always ask you to be involved with something. If you don’t learn how to say no, church will become a burden guaranteed. Of course, never saying yes means that you won’t learn the beauty that serving can be. It is my prayer that when I do enter paid church ministry that I will still view it as serving and not a job. I have noticed that my wife says she feels bad about saying no to anything, and that is a feel I am numb to now. I say no when I don’t have time and when I say no I don’t feel bad about it. It is much better to do effective serving, than serving out of an inability to say no.

This enters us to the discussion of burnout. I’ve always felt that few things are as valuable a gift as time and I’ve always tried to give of my time when I had time to give. More often than not I think ministry burnout comes from selfishness, lack of focus on God, and bad time management. It is real and possible…for sure, but I think it is totally avoidable too and saying no is one way to avoid it.

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Miranda

“More often than not I think ministry burnout comes from selfishness, lack of focus on God, and bad time management.”

I get the lack of focus and bad time management part, but how can burnout come from selfishness?
http://manofdepravity.com Tyler

Selfishness to try and do too much. When we make the decision to do more than we can take, I think sometimes it becomes a selfish decision. When we do more we are not thinking about our family, our walk with the Lord, etc. I guess in my thinking, it goes back to time management, and obviously selfishness doesn’t always apply. But I think it does play a role. We want to lead worship again and our motive is wrong, or we do something because we like how it makes us feel instead of how it brings glory to God.
Miranda

Okay, I understand that now. There is a whole different aspect of burnout that can be stemmed from just lack of help. Example, when we only had two sound people and 4 weekends in a month… someone had to do it, no one else would, so one of the two got burned out… that left one… who got burned out too.

I have experienced burnout in the same kind of situation, during stints of no leadership and trying to do my part to keep things afloat. I’m sure if I said no it would have still been accomplished and God would have provided someone… so I guess my lack of faith plays a part. Like really, why am I so important? I’m definitely not the glue that holds the team together.
your wife

Can’t wait to serve with you in the future and i love serving with you in the ways that we do now. Keep using your gifts…i love you!
http://nowthatithinkaboutit.wordpress.com koozy

Tyler,
Thanks for commenting on my blog. Do you mind if I put a link to your blog on mine? Also, I read your about file and saw that you belong to a Presbyterian church. My brother is a senior pastor for a church in the Presbyterian Church of America. Is your church in the PCA or mainline presby? Just curious.
http://wanchanken.wordpress.com wanchanken

My dad has also been a pastor, for as long as I can remember, so I totally understand what you mean with “Mr. Spotlight child”.
I think that learning to say no is related to Galatians 1.10… doing things for God, not for men. But… it’s difficult to master that skill =)
http://manofdepravity.com Tyler

koozy- pcusa, and no i don’t mind. i don’t talk about politics that often though, just now and then, if you are curious.

wanchanken- it amazes me how many pk’s become rebels. maybe it has something to do with people putting pressure on kids to be perfect…maybe, just maybe
http://wanchanken.wordpress.com wanchanken

I agree with you. Of course, it is not an aceptable excuse to turn your back to God… but it’s one of the main reasons.
When I was in a ‘rebel period’ (it sounds funny =), it was mainly because I was tired of empty religion, and I was looking for something real. Thanks God, my parents never stopped praying for me (I wonder how many pastors actually care more for their childs’ spirituality than the image the pastoral family is supposed to mantain).
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