Porn Nation .3

2008 July 11

by Tyler

Part One: The Danger of Reading About Porn

Part Two: Statistics and Sexual Addiction

Porn Nation author, Michael Leahy has been on a tour of college campuses for much of the past few years, telling his story. His story is one that hits rock bottom; it is a sad story. Even now as he has turned his life around, he pays for his past mistakes. My goal for these posts was that maybe someone affected by these problems would be able to avoid rock bottom.

He ends the book saying this (emphasis mine):

“The dictionary describes an icon as a person regarded as a symbol of something. Being regarded as a sports icon would be rather flattering; an icon for porn and sex addiction, less so. But as a spokesperson for sex addicts, I accept that-to a degree- that’s exactly what I am: my life a symbol for the roughly 15 million adults who struggle with addiction to sex and pornography. But my story-beginning with a mildly erotic deck of playing cards and moving up to high-speed cyber-porn and then on to voyeurism, an affair, and then divorce-may also serve as a picture of analogy of our society on its sexual journey. As it’s an analogy and not a prophecy, who can say if our culture as a whole will end up as I did, addicted to sex. But it could. Prophecies must be fulfilled, but analogies only need to instruct. As actions are taken, outcomes can always change. But if actions are taken I don’t see how the truth of our story, where I become a sex symbol of a different sort for our entire culture instead of just 15 million of its members.”

Filed under: the rest... Tags: books

janowen

Isn’t that terrifying to you? It scares me. I have heard counselors say that someone has a sexual addiction – and I’ve dealt with in ministerial counseling. When you see it, it’s obvious. And it undermines any thought or hope of a relationship. Every man I’ve ever talked to who has been addicted to porn say it just goes further and further over time. A close friend told me, “Jan, I swear I did not have an affair, but it was only a matter of time til I had an affair or perhaps did even something worse.” Sexual addiction is not about intimacy, in fact, according to all I’ve read, it’s a very impersonal addiction and can result from a deep seated fear of intimacy. (thus impersonalization of sex via internet, porn, strippers, prostitutes – only venues that are without relationship at all)

We’ve – in many ways – dumbed down sex. It used to be special and marvelous. Now it’s just like sneezing. (sorry to be graphic) No big deal.

It makes me sad on many levels – I’ve been married for 24 years and I’ll be the first to say that sex is outrageously marvelously wonderful on physical, emotional and even spiritual levels – with a person that loves you deeply. Porn robs someone of the ability to experience that.
janowen

I should qualify that women can also be addicted, I just haven’t really had to deal with that one yet.
http://manofdepravity.com Tyler

I would venture to guess that porn among women is probably a lot more of an issue than most people would ever guess. Just because women can pull off the “I’m normal face” better, doesn’t mean there isn’t more going on. I’m not saying you are giving them a scapegoat though Jan.

I think you are right on when sex addiction isn’t about sex. Obviously at some level it is, but it really is about needing something at the next level which Leahy described really well.
http://ash-nits.blogspot.com ash

racking my brain-
in my view, sex is the most intimate two people can get. so in a sense, it IS about intamacy…it’s a way of having intamacy and yet you dont have to say a word, and you can forget “life’s pain” for that moment in time. it becomes addicting, b/c like, say drugs and alcohol, it makes you lose all sense of reality- slows you down, makes you view the world in a alternative light, helps you lose sight of what IS for that moment (think of how an alcoholic acts or a person on cocaine etc). unfortunately it creates and mental and emotional mess in a person and afterwards, you hate yourself. but unlike drugs and alcohol, you are more at risk…diease, unwanted pregnancies, more lies, and the re-cooperation process is more difficult as society is filled w/ the idea that “sex sells.”
janowen

Actually I think the stats on women are rising faster than the male population. I just haven’t counseled someone about that – I’ve dealt with a lot of women whose husbands have dealt with it so I just tend to think “he” although I know it’s not that way. My guess women are just more silent about it…..I just didn’t mean to infer it was just men and wanted to make that clear.
http://designingforphilistines.blogspot.com/ dorothy (vicar of vibe)

I am bad at numbers…I believe last year our pastor said that the statistics run something like 20% of churched women deal with personal porn issues in their lives (not because of their husbands). That is pretty outrageous, but probably very accurate.
Our “Reveal” survey (from Willow Creek association) showed that addictions (gambling, alcohol, pornography, etc.) impact 61% of my congregation (not stalled in faith journey 21% and stalled in faith journey 40%) Sadly, they didn’t break % for each addiction.
I am beginning to see some traction in women I talk to, because I started sharing my (thankfully past)struggles.
We are afraid to talk about sex and porn except in general terms in church. We need to share real stories…when you share real life testimonies…you will start to see a break in the dam(ned) of pornography addition.
Everywhere I been that discusses pornography addictions, there are a few women that pop in to share a little bit.
Women are more silent, I believe because the stigma is far stronger for women than men. Rather it’s more o.k. for men to admit they are addicted to porn (sex), than women (we’re supposed to be more pure minded and not so wrapped up in sex). But, that’s just another myth…
http://designingforphilistines.blogspot.com/ dorothy (vicar of vibe)

O.k. I’m practicing what I preach…
Here’s my story…
http://crux-theheartofthematter.blogspot.com/2008/05/womans-battle-with-pornography.html
http://www.sovannsblog.blogspot.com Sovann

“who can say if our culture as a whole will end up as I did, addicted to sex. But it could. ”

From just a quick glance at the stats you listed in Part Two I would say we are are already there. At the very very least, well on the way.

dorothy, thanks for sharing your story and your courage. I hope many people will be helped from it.