Man of Depravity - Tyler Braun's posts on Church Ministry, Worship, Seminary, and Theology.

Another Idol

2010 July 15

by Tyler

Last week I wrote about the idol of marriage (it’s still getting comments…). Essentially I’m concerned we’ve valued marriage so much in our churches that we’ve left single people to feel like second class citizens.

I’ve had a new thought since then.

I feel those of us who are married often place the relationship we have with our spouses above our relationships with God.

It is still an idol of marriage, but in this case it is more of an idol of our husband or wife.

After Rose got back from her trip in Hawaii she told me she had a strong realization there that she had placed me over God all throughout our marriage. Essentially she said her first love had been trumped by me.

To be honest, I had no idea how to respond. I mean what do you say to that? “I’m sorry.” Or maybe, “no you haven’t.” Or even better, “I’m glad you finally figured that out.”

It was a tough spot. But I quickly realized, I’ve done the same thing.

I too have decided to spend time with Rose instead of God, and not just once. I too have given my devotion and energy to Rose before I even began to think about my relationship to God.

I’m sure a lot of you are no different.

I completely agree with churches who place a big emphasis on the importance of strong marriages, but maybe what we need is churches who place a big emphasis on first seeking the face of God.

Maybe if we do that before anything else, the whole marriage thing will fall into place a lot easier.

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http://www.elevatecompany.net Jake Johnson

Hi Tyler,

I hear you on this. It’s especially true when you’re a newlywed. I’ve found after 12 years of marriage that part’s settled down, but now do it with my kids.

But I’m going to propose that seeking God and “spending time” with your loved ones isn’t mutually exclusive. For one, when you’re loving on your family, you’re by extension doing exactly what God’s called you to do—and showing the world a picture of the Trinity. Also, though solitude is important, seeking God with your family is also a great time to not only spend time together but also lead your family spiritually. We do family devotion times at our place, and I love it.
http://thoughtsaboutnothing.com Kyle Reed

You hit the nail on the head. I actually had a great conversation with a friend yesterday about this exact same thing you are talking about.
Basically we said at the end that if he places his spouse over God that in the end it will end. Because she cannot completely satisfy his search for happiness and meaning. Going off the D Miller thought as well, our act 3 climax does not happen in this world, it comes with the return of Christ.
I think a lot of people think marriage and having a family is their act 3 climax and are often very disappointed when their spouse or even kids do not bring them the happiness that are looking for.

I think it is very healthy to have a marriage that values the relationship with God over the relationship with each other. Mainly because you will not be disappointed when you are let down by your spouse and instead realize that they are not perfect nor can they bring absolute happiness.
Angie

What you say is so true. Our marriage – and marriage in general – can easily become an idol in our lives. Also our area of ministry can become an idol.
Lately it seems that everywhere I turn marriages are disintegrating because one, or both, of the partners are so busy with ‘ministry’ that they are neglecting each other.
The hard thing is to find the balance. Especially when what we are doing is ‘good’. When everything on the outside looks like what we envision service to be, it is easy for truth to get lost in the activity.
Marriages are living, growing (or dying), breathing (or gasping) things.
I believe the only way to thrive is to be constantly setting watch on your heart motives and attitudes. And praying to find the balance.