The Reality Is
Often times I find myself fighting between the thought that I’m perfect or that I’m worthless. Take a look in the Bible and you’ll find verses for both.
Over the weekend I hurt my wife. Not physically…worse: emotionally.
I degraded her and made her feel worthless at the cost of me feeling like the top dog.
She doesn’t tend to be an overly emotional type, so when I hurt her it becomes pretty obvious to me.
The whole thing was a reminder of how worthless I am. Of how unable I am to love Rose the way she deserves to be loved all the time. I simply can’t do it.
I’ve titled this blog “man of depravity” for a number of reasons, but I’ve been thinking a lot about how I write with a voice or personality that seems to have it all together. Or at the very least, my writing provides the idea that I have a perspective on what the answer to the question should be.
I often succumb to the thought that nobody wants to read the musings of someone who doesn’t have it together and can’t provide the answers to the tough questions. So instead of showing you who I am, I show you who I want to be.
The reality is I don’t have it all together.
The reality is I hurt the person most important to me.
The reality is I don’t measure up.
said: 
said: 
said: 
said: 
said: 
said: 
Tyler Braun.
“I often succumb to the thought that nobody wants to read the musings of someone who doesn’t have it together and can’t provide the answers to the tough questions”
I’ve never thought that you sounded arrogantly confident in the way you ‘talk’ here Tyler, just confident. Which is different to having it all together.
Cue the eye rolling as I use the “A” word : authenticity … but that is what we (I) want.
Wow bro..first off..it is great when my circle of blogger friends are honest and transparent…
Second..I am dealing with the exact same thing…Literally…and it’s funny how we type like we have it all together. I know for me thats not intentional, but I have at times had to be intentional about making sure readers know I am screwed up as the rest of the world.
You’re in my thoughts and prayers. I understand the struggle all to well and there is no solution to it IMHO this side of Christ’s presence.
Peace,
Alan
Who wants to read about someone who thinks they have it all worked out? How inspiring would that be?
John & I celebrate our 27th anniversary tomorrow. We dated off and on for almost 8 years before marrying. We have a long history of hurting each other. We blow it with each other on a regular basis. We let each other down and wound one another emotionally.
The beauty of it is that when honest ownership of the action is admitted, honest apology given and honest clean-slating granted…our relationship is strong again. Perhaps even stronger.
We learn so much about our relationship with our Father through this process, don’t we? Especially so, when we spend a generous amount of time pointing out the good that we see in our relationship and in each other. Showing thankfulness and appreciation goes a long way, too.
God showed us how to love Him, He models how to do this by loving us, so that we can fully love those He puts into our lives.
Hey Tyler, I just started following your blog, primarily because you are as straightforward as I am and you attempt to be transparent. Thanks for being real, even when it means you look like a schmuck in the end. I hate hurting others. Even though I am blunt and to the point with people, I am always walking away analyzing the conversation, hoping that I wasn’t harsh or that I hurt them. I really want people to know I love them no matter what but sometimes I just end up having to go back and apologize.
I love following this blog. Thanks.
the reality is you aren’t, we aren’t and won’t be….the reality is He loves us anyway and in THAT love we move…
Thanks for being open and exposing yourself like this. Way too often Christians try to hide behind a curtain of perfection which just makes us unreachable to those that really need us the most. I believe it is good to come to the realization that we are a mess and in dire need of help, the good thing is that we have one to run to. Blessings over you and your wife.
The truth is we already knew you didn’t have it all together.
Neither do we. I actually would rather hear about your questions and your wrestling and the reality of following God than the “answers”, so I enjoy when you interweave those into your posts. I wonder if men have a harder time sharing their failings and shortcomings? That’s something you guys can discuss! I’ve sort of noticed that a bit with all of the many men I work with.
I appreciate your honesty and I’ll bet Rose does too.
Hey brother,
First off: way to be very honest and transparent! it sucks when our hurting of others remind us of our frailty and weakness. but praise God that you see it! the fact that you saw how you hurt your wife and repented of it and are working in that Grace of God is something beautiful!
Second: keep struggling back and forth between that perfect and wretched…because we are perfectly wretched beloved children of God washed in his Blood! blessings in your journey
As you know, I’m a pretty transparent blogger too
Cheers! This is how God wires us when He saves us I think, but some of us have a harder time of showing our true colors than others; we’ve been hurt, ect… We all fall short, me too. I just blogged this week on how I’ve been feeling away from God, dealing with anger issues. Who wants to listen to me whine I think, but then I stop and say, this is life man, at least I am growing and sharring my experiences; that is what bloggging is all about. I often questions bloggers who seem like they have it all together, b/c I know none of us do. Perhpas they just hide behind their insecurities which is really just sad, b/c we’re all in this together. It use to bother me that people viewed me so transparent and all or nothing for God, but then I got over myself and let God leed my life once again. God bless you Tyler!
Tell us, then, what happened afterwards. When was that moment when you realized, oh [poop], I’ve really [messed] over this person who I care for deeply?
Have you moved towards reconciling? ‘Cause the purpose of our faith is not just to remind us of our fallenness, but to bring about the continual rebuilding and restoration we need.
Things with my wife and I are great now. And I totally agree about reconciliation.
Tyler,
I just discovered you – just read your blog for the first time and decided to read “The Reality Is” first.
God brought me to your blog Tyler. And I thank Him for it. Again, here I am in the presence of someone from whom I can learn. And I, like Melinda, have also been married for 27 years. THANKFULLY, we’re both still learning, still growing, yes, occasionally still hurting each other, but remembering to keep the Lord at the center of our relationship is the most important thing in the world. A good marriage is between 3. Husband, Wife, CREATOR.
Bless you Tyler for your willingness to be honest and your willingness to share. May we all continue to learn from each other, from our Lord and to grow daily in Him.
Amy