And really there is no comparison to any of her previous jobs. She made good enough money for me to attend school without taking on loans, while paying my previous student loans, and she had health insurance that her employers covered 100% of the cost for. She was doing a job she went to school to do and she worked with people she loved being around.
About a month ago she called me to let me know she had been offered a job at the one place in Portland she had on her radar since she began her massage education. The offer was for a part-time job. The job payed about the same per hour but was almost half of the hours and had no health insurance connected to it.
When we sat down to talk about it I told Rose flat out, “Taking this job, on paper, would be the dumbest decision we’ve made since we got married.” It might be harsh to say it that way, but it was absolutely true.
But there’s another side to the story. When you feel God has created you to do something and to extend your life to that end, it doesn’t matter what kind of money you get paid to do it, you do it anyway. This new job for Rose afforded her the opportunity to work at her dream job and to grow in her ability with maternity massage (what she feels a burden from God for).
When you sense God leading and calling you in a specific direction do any of the specifics ultimately matter? Sometimes God calls us to dumb decisions, right?
Don’t get me wrong I’m still scared out of my mind about all this. I’m a mess of faith and worry right now. So much of me is happy for Rose and knows this is the right direction for her long-term. But then there’s this side of me that wonders why God has to make things difficult just as things were getting comfortable for us. Between normal living expenses, paying off student loans from undergrad, and paying for seminary out of pocket, I’m not entirely sure how it all will get paid, but I know that God is faithful to provide where He calls.
I don’t know what happens if Rose breaks a bone. I don’t know what happens if her new job tanks quickly because of a bad economy in the area. I don’t know. The unknown is a scary place to be.
And for some reason what keeps me going is that I know God wouldn’t have it any other way.
The faith it takes to walk through the unknown is what God uses to stretch us in becoming more like Jesus.
So here we are making dumb decisions on purpose. We’re making the dumbest decision in our five years of marriage, and all the assurance we have in it is that God has pushed us in this direction.
I’m sharing My Hazardous Faith Story as part of a synchroblog connected with the release of Ed Cyzewski and Derek Cooper’s new book “Hazardous: Committing to the Cost of Following Jesus.”