This weekend I am leading worship in both our 9am and 11am services. They are two different services. Some people call them “blended” and “modern” respectively…but I have ZERO clue what those words actually describe, so I’ll just call them different. Different feel, different songs, different volume…just different.
My personal musical style and taste feels natural in our 11am services. I usually wear jeans and a t-shirt of some sort. We sing songs that I would listen to whether we we’re doing them at church or not. It just flows for me in the 11am.
The 9am is a little bit harder. I wear khakis or business slacks and a nice button up shirt that I tuck in. I wear some uncomfortable black or brown business shoes. Generally I feel uncomfortable, because it isn’t how I usually dress (though I dressed even nicer than that for my first job out of college). We usually sing at least one song that I’ve never sang. This weekend there are 2 songs that I’ve never sang in front of a church.
I think it would be fair to say that many of the people who come to the 9am enjoy more traditional music, have a joy for hymns, and are possibly turned off by the more raucous style of worship. I did not grow up singing hymns. I’ve learned a countless number of hymns during the last year, but hymns don’t come natural for me. I play guitar, hymns are written for piano and organ generally. I like to sing in English, and hymns are written in their own weird language (ok ok settle down, I’m joking).
I desire more than anything else that I could lead the 9am service into a meaningful time of worship with God. Yet I can’t help but feel overwhelmed with the expectations. Expectations that I’ll sing the hymn just right, that the drums won’t play too loud, or anything else. And don’t think that I don’t care or understand because I’m just as picky when it comes to the music I like (I do realize there are just as many expectations in the 11, but meeting those seems come to come much more naturally for me).
I am just a guy who wants to sing and play to honor God and to bring as many people as I can along for that ride. Yet I can’t help but wonder if the expectations will get in the way.
So if you come to Sunset for the 9am on Sunday, just know that there is a small part of me that is terrified of messing it up, knowing that I’m outside of my natural niche. The last thing I want is to be a distraction or barrier between you and God.
Now that I think about it, this is probably right where God wants me: knowing that I’ll fail on my own.