This post is a part of the Sovereignty of God Blog Series going on throughout the months of July and August. You can read about the series and see a schedule of the posts here. You can subscribe to all the posts here.
Today’s post is from Rose Braun. Rose is married to the writer of this blog, Tyler. This will be the very first blog post ever written by Rose. She graduated from George Fox University with a degree in Fitness Management, and is currently attending Massage Therapy school.
When I first decided to write a post for the sovereignty of God series I thought:
- This will be fun.
- I haven’t ever written a blog post before (it will be good for me to do some of this, “social media stuff”).
- I don’t journal much like I used to, so this will force me to write something from my heart.
- It’s a very interesting topic.
Now as I sit here and gather my thoughts, I am realizing that this topic is far more complex to write about (“The Sovereignty of God”), than I thought. I suppose I am feeling a bit intimidated.
You may be wondering, why intimidated. In my mind, I am writing to a bunch of great writers, theologians, authors, and avid bloggers with which I am about to share some of my heart, which I suppose is humbling and personal all-in-one. I also have little to no theology knowledge. All I know are a few big words, and interesting discussions that Ty and I have about his classes at seminary. So don’t expect to learn about a “new way of thinking.” I am just going to be me, so here goes.
In the last 24 years of my life God’s sovereignty has been so very present, and I mean that in the most non-cliche way possible. Most of the time I didn’t allow myself to see his sovereignty, but none the less it was always there. So, instead of writing a long post on how his sovereignty has carried me through life, I will touch on a recent area of struggle.
Three words, priorities, balance and consistency Who doesn’t struggle with these things, right? Let me back up a little.
Ty and I started dating when I was a junior in college. He was truly my first love, and my everything from the start of our relationship. I remember early on in our dating years, going on walks and discussing our relationship with the Lord. The first time I asked him, “How are things with you and God?”, his response was something like, “good.” Very general and to the point, not a whole lot of anything to it. My first thought was concern. I wanted us to be on the same page spiritually, and I felt as though I was on fire and he was dragging behind me.
Throughout our relationship we both grew and became compatible spiritually and I felt as thought he and I were both growing daily. We would challenge one another, pray together and it was how it was “supposed to be” in a relationship. After we got married, I noticed that I had a more difficult time keeping on track with my time with the Lord. I was allowing Ty to become an idol in my life, above all else. I was so happy to be married and so in love with him that my focus was solely on him, and very few other things.
Slowly week by week and month by month and year by year, I would dig into the Word less and less. I would always go to Ty first with my concerns and frustrations, instead of going straight to the Lord. There would be times when I wouldn’t converse with God for weeks, except maybe at church, and I even wondered if it really mattered anymore (as I write this, my eyes are filled with tears, and it’s hard to see my computer screen). I realize that this is still a very real struggle for me. How can I allow God to truly be my first love and the reason for my every breath?
He is taking me on a new and exciting journey. I have learned many things about myself, but more importantly I have been blown away by Him. To me, this truely shows God’s sovereignty. Even when we ignore him, step on him, and turn our back on him, he is still patiently waiting for us whenever we are ready to come back to him.
“Thank you Lord for loving me, even when I didn’t love myself. Thank you for the incredible gift of a husband that you have given me. Allow me to use our relationship to bring you alone glory. Wipe away the guilt I still sometimes feel. Replace it with your unexplainable and contagious love. Show me what it means to keep you first on a minute by minute basis. You are incredible and so sovereign and I am forever grateful. I love you.” Amen