Dear Person Who Leaves Church Early

I don’t think you sinned at all when you got frustrated by the inconsiderate and selfish beasts that walk away ungrateful for the worship of God, simply to get ahead of traffic or what ever selfish reason they have for not waiting 5 minutes.

Jesus lost his temper when he saw ungodly behavior in the temple–it is no different.

They also neglected their duty as a church member to stand with the young parents dedicating their child.

Regardless of the reason…it was wrong. If they were having a heart attack they would have received better care if they had collapsed in side the church than collapsing on the freeway. No excuse.

However, we have built an environment of selfishness in our churches, by catering to their every whim–just to get them and keep them in church. This is a by product of this.

Feel free to be offended.

OK I’ll weigh in here….it bothers me too although I think it bothers me more when people come in late at the start. But in fairness: maybe they have to be at work at a certain time? or they are meeting someone at a certain time and b/c we often “tack on” things like baptisms, communion, etc. that adds extra time to the “regular” length of our services, they don’t want to be late for the “appt.”? I also had friends who no longer attend Sunset who had Baptist backgrounds and they just couldn’t sit through infant baptisms. I think also that people who exit through the outside door often don’t realize that it exits to the outdoors. And I have asked people I know about why they come in late or leave early and have heard all of the above as well as (esp. at the 11) is that they like the hour but that the music is uncomfortably loud so they don’t come into the worship center until after the music is done. Would you rather they not be there at all and be home watching TV? And as someone who often exits early so that I can be out at the welcome center before most folks exit, I suppose I am one of the guilty ones. And if it makes up for any of it: I purposely went into the worship center at the end of the first service so that I could in there for the baptisms, esp. that question that is asked of the congregation—and most esp. in regard to this series of messages that just started. For whatever reason that people come late or leave early, I do think that they miss something in doing so but try to err on the side of grace and mercy rather than judgement. Sounds like you are trying to do the same. And for what it’s worth, I am grateful for the effort and commitment that you and all the folks on the platform put into each service.
Debbie

Too bad we do not know the motives of others, then we could know whether to be offended or not … actually maybe that’s a blessing. Ignorance is bliss at times.

… “Selfish Beasts” seems a little extreme, man.

Tyler, I’m glad you recognize that you probably did sin in your anger. I think we try to justify our thoughts sometimes simply because we may be “right”. Even when Jesus stormed the merchants and money changers in the temple, He was controlled. As He was turning tables and driving people out, He was controlled enough to ask that the pigeons be taken out. He could have just tossed them to the ground as well.

I know I need to ask the Spirit to help me “control” my thoughts when I am angry with someone/something. That is my prayer this morning.

“Be angry and do not sin…” – Ephesians 4:26

That I can recall, I’ve left two church services early before. In both instances I was trying to catch a flight and had to run out early because the service dragged on well past the hour and a half mark. In both cases, I was annoyed and frustated because I didn’t want to look like a jerk. Even though I didn’t like what was going on either service when I left (an hour plus ‘confessing of sins to the body’ about missed witnessing opportunities at a church in Kentucky and an hour plus sermon essentially about how those who don’t speak in tongues aren’t really Christians in Oxford, England) I would have stuck it out if I didn’t have a plane to catch.

I doubt that explains a large number of people leaving at once, but I do know that it’s not always a disrespectful thing to do.

To cite another example, my dad, who is a mainline pastor in New Jersey, knows that if the 11 a.m. service goes past noon there will be a mass exodus from the back pews of elderly women who have to be back at their nursing home by 12:30 if they want to eat lunch.

Seriously man? “Beasts”. You have got to be kidding.

That is hard.

I have thought at times we went to long and I wouldn’t blame people if they left early.

At time we have taken a song out or something to keep it closer to what is expected but at times we do go over. If we tell people 1:15 we try to keep our word that it will be 1:15.

I’ve come late to church (after the prelude)…but I recall leaving early once when my parents were here, and it was after the service was ‘done’ and many stood up for the altar calling. If I had to do something on that day and leave early, I woul’ve tried to be discrete.

It does bug me quite a bit also when people leave church and distract everybody else, and if they knew they were going to be gone that early, maybe considering sitting by the exit door would be better. I wonder though whether those people were part of the babies family and they already had like a lunch or something. Although, I don’t know why they can’t schedule the lunch after church also.

Those beasts, haha!

The Bride of Christ is a beast for sure. A fidgety, impatient beast.

I only leave early when I have somewhere I HAVE TO to be. I’ve WANTED to leave early a whole bunch of times, and it’s usually the worship pastor’s fault (oh, and my wicked heart).

But I’m sure I’d never leave your service early buddy.

As a pastor, up front person, here’s my two cents worth. I appreciate it when someone approaches me before worship and says, “I’ve got to slip out”. It not only gives me a sense of peace but if anyone else wonders I can say, “Yeah, I knew about it.”

If this were the whole family of the child being “baptized” [Neither the EPC, Sunset's new home or the PC(USA) 'dedicate infants'] then that would seem to be a problem unless the child/ren were needing some quiet time away.

We need to offer grace much more than judgment but when a group like that, all at once just leaves it does gall you. One last thing, the first congregation I served was in Abilene Texas. At least 10-15 people left during the last hymn whenever there was a noon kick-off for the Cowboys. That probably doesn’t happen now with their current record.

Peace
Alan

Hey Tyler…

It seems as if I stirred up a bit of dust with the “beast” comment. Let me explain:

I meant to be stern. They were rude…”as beasts” and that was the point. One form of the word “beast” is “a cruelly rapacious person.” (http://www.thefreedictionary.com/beast)

I may have been a little edgy when I wrote it–but I understand the frustration that you have when people trample some of the most precious times of worship for their own agenda. This happens particularly during the altar call, which is a time set aside to “do business with God.” Some people are too engrossed in themselves to allow God to speak.

I apologize if I detracted from your post, because I really think you have a good point.

To answer some of the other comments:

1. I believe you have a right to be angry. And I don’t believe anger is a sin. It is a God given emotion to identify when there is wrong occurring. “In your anger, don’t sin.” I believe there is a prophetic call to church leaders, to set the record straight when some thing is wrong.

Paul did in 1 Corinthians 11, when he was explaining how the church was making the Lord’s Supper into a party. I see the parallel here. We don’t need to be gentle about this activity. Do I believe that we should shine a spotlight on them as the walk out the door? No. But, it should be preached from the pulpit.

2. There is a time, I think, you do walk out of a service. You do this knowingly–in protest. I have done that. Purposely. I found myself in disagreement with the service and walked out. We are not discussing that. We are discussing those that walk out to catch the game or Sunday dinner. What is so important that you have to do on Sunday anyway?

3. My biggest concern is that some are more concerned that I have called these people “inconsiderate and selfish beasts” than about the early exit from the assembly of God’s people in worship to God. It disrupts the service. It hinders a person’s soul in communion with God. It is arrogantly assumed that their agenda is more important than God’s. And, as you point out, is inconsiderate to the people who have spent all week preparing a time of worship for God’s people.

So, I stand behind the use of the word “Beast”, because it was used in correct context of a word to describe the rudeness occurring. You (Tyler) may disagree and I accept that. However, it is important that we take a firm stand on what we believe is important to proper respect in worship.

I understand the disagreement if you have assumed I used the word as name-calling…it just seemed to be the proper definition of the actions that were going to on to me.

Tyler–I look forward to reading more.

Helpful perspective. Thanks Debbie.

You better not!

On a more serious note I think your “my wicked heart” comment rings true for me. I think this can become a heart issue for me (getting mad at those leaving) and for those leaving (where is their heart in their desire to leave?).

what a jerk.

I’m with Debbie. There can be so many reasons. This particular Sunday, the service went almost a half hour longer than expected…which is fine if it is expected to. Some people have to get to work, are sharing cars and need to pick someone up, have a sick relative at home to get back to, have personal health problems, needed to slip out to take an emergency call, have a kid that just threw up in the childcare area, that make sitting for lengths of time difficult…or maybe just have weak bladders. Maybe the guests that were brought by someone became awkward or needed to go. So the regular attendees walked them out to show care and appreciation of their guests giving church a go. I have done any number of these things myself, many times.

I have left when the person next to me became distraught or deeply moved by the service and needed someone to go along to talk to.

I know the amount of prep it takes to put these services together and the importance of the child dedications, announcements, sacraments … and the importance of grace. We simply do not know the other person’s story.

What matters is that the people came to church…and hopefully had an intimate time with the Lord and hopefully feel welcomed.

I’m with you and I think sports, lack of personal relationships and avoiding traffic has a lot to do with that. I’m convicted, sorry man

Tacky? Yes.

Sure, we need to extend grace, but I’m willing to bet that *most* of the people that “sneak” out during baptisms are leaving simply because they don’t know the people/families being baptised and don’t see the point hanging around for 5-10 more minutes. You don’t usually see 20 people walk out before the service is over on a regular Sunday. A couple, maybe… but not as many on a Baptism Sunday.

You could pull the ‘ol switcheroo and put the baptisms at the top of the service when you have a captive audience.

I’m single without kids…I don’t know 99% of the families and the kids who are being baptized..Maybe instead of looking at it as a reminder of my patheticloserness (is that a word?), I should be happy for those families while embracing my freedom.

Yes, I have been in those situations, but I stayed!!

I hear what you are saying, however I do think we have a responsibility to our population to end at a regular time each week. Service WAS long this week…and I don’t mean just time wise. There was alot of TALKING…and sometimes that just melts people out.

I was one of the 20 and don’t feel the slightest bit guilty. (I left because I was catching a flight though)

Yes it did go a little long. About 10 minutes over the usual. And I totally realize child dedications are boring. To me, having no kids…they are especially boring. But, I see value in staying.

Church isn’t just something a person shows up to…it isn’t a performance. It is a body. A performance, people leave early from. A family, people stay.

Weren’t you complaining a couple weeks ago about people using big words?

The way church is done in most local churches is mostly all talking. I guess I’m not seeing your point there.

who?

Haha…why yes!!! ok just loser then!

i will say this…perhaps those people leaving SHOULD be quieter, more discrete, and polite so as not to distract others. however, why they’re leaving or the fact that they are at all shouldn’t concern you. it’s their choice for whatever reason it may be. and the fact that you’d be ill toward their leaving b/c of what YOU worked on sounds a little one sided to me. i don’t intend to sound mean, please don’t take it that way, just honest.

I would honestly have the same opinion whether I was working at my church or not. For me, it goes back to what I said to Melinda up above:

Church isn’t just something a person shows up to…it isn’t a performance. It is a body. A performance, people leave early from. A family, people stay.

1. Anyone has the “right” to anything. But that doesn’t make it God-honoring.

2. I totally disagree with walking out in protest. But that is a more personal thing. It seems more self centered than just leaving early to me.

3. If leaving church early makes someone a “beast” then we’re all screwed. Which…I agree, we are all screwed and in need of a scandalous grace.

Ignorance is Bliss….that reminds me of this:

http://manofdepravity.com/2007/11/03/ignorance-is-bliss/

I was sitting at the back of the second service, and it was WAY more than 20 .. more like 50+. And while there are probably a few that legitimately need to leave, I’m sure most of the rest, are just done with the performance. I like your last comment … a family, people stay.

I used to say that as soon as our worship leader played the first note of the closing worship set at our church, the exits filled up with people as if they were leaving the Dodger game in the 8th inning of a losing game….

I never quite understand it…..just dont.

rhett

Dude, I just love these types of posts. My problem is, I figure enough people in my church would read them, and I’d get myself in trouble … again.

watching and waiting to leave… i mean comment

About 12 or so years ago, when I was leading P&W every Sunday and Wednesday. I shared Tyler’s opinion. My life pretty much revolved around church, specifically the events occuring at our church. I had little patience for people who consistantly arrived late and/or left early, and none for those who didn’t attend regularly.

Fast forward a decade or so, and I found myself on the “flip-side” of that. As a father of four, with a 50-60 hour/week job, and a wife with chronic health issues, sometimes I was doing great to make it to church at all.

Don’t get me wrong, today church life is very important to me and my family. We are regular attenders at Seacoast (usually Sat. night), and although we have only recently moved here, looking for ways to be more involved (i.e. serve) in this community of believers. To be honest though, the weekend church service itself is not my priority anymore, and sometimes I think that is a difficult thing for church “professionals” to understand.

There are many reasons why people may arrive late or leave early. Some are legit, and some certainly are not, but especially for those that are not, what they need most is GRACE, not condemnation. I’ve been there, and grace is what brought me back.

As a person who does not work 9-5 Monday – Friday I have shown up late and left early to church! There are Sundays Ian will work 5 hours before church! Might we be a little late? Sure. Would our time be better spent at home in front of the TV? Just so we don’t let a little light in, or distract some people? Your post kind of feels like it! There are Sunday we might work at 11, and we go to church knowing we will leave early, would you prefer we just stay at home?

I am amazed at the passionate responses this has invoked. Tyler, I love ya man… but I think focusing on this issue actually causes us to lose perspective. Could you imagine what a believer in a government sanctioned Muslim country would think if they read this whole conversation? What a petty thing for people to be arguing about. They left early… they missed out (or didn’t, depending on why they were leaving). Let’s move on.

Perhaps we should all be more concerned with God’s agenda and schedule, and not our own. If people want to leave, well…

The service that most people attend at our church begins at 10:30am. More often than not, service lasts around 3 hours. Do people leave? maybe, probably. To tell you the truth, we are more concerned that people receive what they need from God, or get rid of their sin & bondage, than whether someone left early or not.

The orginal poster sounded a bit on the self centered side. Like it is all about his preparation for sunday that the members would show some sort of appreciation.

However do you not think that your response was equally as selfish?

The service is only about two things. (Matthew 22:36-40)

1. first and foremost bringing our Great Yahwey maganification and Glorifying HIS name and HIS Son’s.
2. Fellowshipping with each other and showing unconditional love. In a real and non selfish mannner.

There are times when people have a genuine reason to leave.
There are also times when people are leaving because they just do not want to deal with something. Or listen to something.

Check your motives. If the reason you are leaving is a result of a feeling you are probably in sin.

If you are leaving as a result of certain facts in your life. Then it is likely just a fact that you have to leave.

Blessed is the Name of Yahwey!