Often times I find myself fighting between the thought that I’m perfect or that I’m worthless. Take a look in the Bible and you’ll find verses for both.
Over the weekend I hurt my wife. Not physically…worse: emotionally.
I degraded her and made her feel worthless at the cost of me feeling like the top dog.
She doesn’t tend to be an overly emotional type, so when I hurt her it becomes pretty obvious to me.
The whole thing was a reminder of how worthless I am. Of how unable I am to love Rose the way she deserves to be loved all the time. I simply can’t do it.
I’ve titled this blog “man of depravity” for a number of reasons, but I’ve been thinking a lot about how I write with a voice or personality that seems to have it all together. Or at the very least, my writing provides the idea that I have a perspective on what the answer to the question should be.
I often succumb to the thought that nobody wants to read the musings of someone who doesn’t have it together and can’t provide the answers to the tough questions. So instead of showing you who I am, I show you who I want to be.
The reality is I don’t have it all together.
The reality is I hurt the person most important to me.
The reality is I don’t measure up.