Do You See God?

Last year in one of my spiritual formation classes my prof had us take a small note pad with the goal of writing down “God sightings” during our day. Essentially it was the things that happened during our daily experiences that helped us experience God in that moment. My sightings went from the obvious “sunset” to the surprising “the homeless man begging for money by the MAX station.”

So you get the point. The hardest part of the assignment were the times when I found it more difficult to see God in my day. In the end the assignment became more about the reality of my heart at the time.

Ever since high school Rose has struggled with medical depression (chemical imbalance). She has taken medication for it off and on since then. The past two months have been some of the worst for her, ever. And they have definitely been the worst since we’ve been married. The previous two to three years have actually gone very well for her. But right now, every day is a battle for her. It breaks my heart to be able to do so little to help her while seeing her go through this.

I’ve wrote on here a couple times about how the past few months have been a big struggle for us. Sure we’ve had a few curve balls thrown our way on top of moving and me starting a new job, but the biggest struggle has been navigating Rose’s latest struggle with depression.

If you were around Rose you probably wouldn’t notice much different. She is pretty good at faking it. Most days she is still able to work. Some days are worse than others. I am glad she is able to be herself at home with me but sometimes that is hard to see.

I don’t blog about myself much. And I’ve definitely never blogged about this. Partly to protect Rose, but partly because this is the part of our life that isn’t fun to share. We aren’t perfect…our lives aren’t perfect. We’re praying for God’s grace in our lives as much as possible.

I can always tell how Rose is doing when I ask her to smile. She has the obvious (to me) fake smile, and then her real smile.

Seeing her smile these days is a special thing. A rare thing actually.

Last weekend I had a major God sighting. It was during our time away at the coast.

It was seeing my wife, Rose.

It was seeing her smile. A real, joyful smile.

(Some have asked, yes I did get permission from Rose to post this.)